I’m still amazed that I am telling my story of how I battled with depression for many years. Honestly, now, I relish the opportunity to talk about it, to tell more and more, to unmask the shame, to be free! Which is weird when I reflect back on just a few short months ago how shameful my depression felt.
We go through things in life and seldom realize how those things “will work together for good” but true to His Word, God always causes them to do just that. He never said it would be painless, however. For many years I lived in a den called depression and didn’t think those days would ever end, nor did I know that those days would glorify God in some way.
Recently a lady I didn’t know approached me at work and asked to speak with me. She told me how she was getting ready to kill herself a couple of nights before and when she raised her hand to take the pills, she saw my face. She said she decided to wait another night and attempt it again. On the next night she said she’d gathered more pills and when she finished lining them all up and went to put a hand full in her mouth, she saw my face again.
“I don’t know why I saw your face or why I am talking to you, I don’t even know you, but I have been depressed for 20 years and I’m ready to end it all.”
I sat there staring at her feeling like I had been ‘punked’. When I realized she was serious, my first thought was “really God?” Now what? Well, I certainly knew how she was feeling and began to tell her so. When I told her my story of battling depression for 30 years and how it had gotten so bad a couple of times I had wanted to die too, she opened up and shared her life with me. I listened to her for what seemed like hours and then I asked her if I could pray for her. We prayed and she began to weep, asking the Lord to heal her…and He did a lot more than that.
Right there in my office, in the middle of the day, in the midst of a depression discussion, on the heels of an attempted suicide…God came into her heart.
That was a few weeks ago. I saw her today – smiling, hopeful, healing. She said she was doing well; “taking my meds consistently and having more good days than bad.”
Funny, how I had to go through my storm in order to navigate her through hers. It was so not about me.
Until next time, keep unmasking, keep healing… it’s not about you either.